I’m using this as an outlet. I really haven’t excitedly told anyone yet because I hate saying things that are not set in stone. I’ve only solemnly shared the news to a few people, hiding most of my happiness. Which is probably why no one has congratulated me yet. However, I’m nearly 100% positive now that things are definitely in full effect and I need to vent. Somewhere. So I am venting here.
I’m moving back to California. I’m finishing up a few required courses at a California community college to transfer to a CSU next fall because they don’t offer these classes at my school in the south. I really have no choice but to move if I want to get accepted and gradute before I’m 40 years old (I’m over exaggerating, but if you’re 23 and still in college, you know how this feels)
So needless to say, after being depressed from culture shock and isolation, I am finally going back and having control of my life! And I hate the way that sounds. I think everyone, including my husband, thinks that I hold California as the “be all end all” of my life and my happiness. It’s not. I would love to live in many places! Seattle, London, Portland, NYC, etc. There are some places you go to and you just feel it in your soul, that voice that say’s “yeah, I could belong here”. And then there are places you go to that just give you a bad vibe. The south, in general, gives me a bad vibe. There are very few people here that strive to know anything outside of their little bumpkin worlds. That depresses me. I like innovation. I like adventure. I like fearlessness. I like seeing people pursue their goals and expanding their horizons. Hardly any one here has aspirations. I can’t vibe without aspirations. I just can’t! I have too many. And people can’t relate to that. It’s not a bad attitude, it’s me not giving up on trying make sure I end up happy with my life, knowing that I pushed and I suffered to get where I am at. I am not content with losing. At least when it pertains to my dreams.
Also, don’t get me wrong. My husband was never controlling, by any means. Quite the opposite. My husband pushed me every day to go out and try to make the best out of a very shitty situation. He pushed me to go to school. Without him, I would have accomplished nothing.
So what was my situation? It’s probably sounded like complaints and a bad attitude these past couple of years but let me explain:
I moved across country. I moved to a place called Augusta. I had culture shock. I was alone, except for my husband, who was also culture shocked but had work and friends from the git-go upon arrival. It wasn’t just moving to a new town. It was moving to a new world and a world I was not fond of. No family near me. No friends. And 99% of the friendships I had back home were slowly dwindling away. And I don’t blame them at all. Like…at all. I know we all have lives. Only one person has continued to text me every month and keep in touch, Jasmine. She has two kids and works and goes to school. She is probably more busy than myself but she always finds the time to write me. Which makes me happy. I love and appreciate her so much for that.
So I was unhappy. But my husband helped me push myself into school. And from that point, I pushed myself into continuing a degree in film. The way I saw it at this point was if you have nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire. So I set myself on fire. I burned through school. And now. Well now I am at the end of my torch. I have done all I can do and now I have to transfer. It’s bittersweet. Mostly sweet though ;]
Long story short, I am moving back to California in less than two months to continue my education and graduate from a California University. Eric will be moving back as well. I am all too eager to see what the future has in store for me.